Help Yourself

Even the devil was an angel 'fore he tried to rush the throne Lord, they threw him in hell there all alone Now he builds a castle out of the sinner's bones You'd be angry too, if you could never go home Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son I done some bad things but I like to have my fun A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves So help yourselves now Old man Nicodemus could not hear his heart bleed He saw that Jesus had some tricks up his sleeve He said "Oh man Jesus I can't do things your way But I see you work for somebody big, so I'm backin' your play." Old man Nicodemus, his pockets they were deep And on the day that they decided to put Jesus to sleep Jesus could not care for money now or any such thing Old Nicodemus paid to have Jesus just buried like a king. Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son I done some bad things but I like to have my fun A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves So help yourselves now Our father art in heaven hallowed be thy name Told Noah build a boat, on the driest of days And everybody in the neighborhood thought old Noah was insane I guess when the waters receded now the truth was plain Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son I done some bad things but I like to have my fun A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves So help yourselves now Moses was a great man, parted the waters of the red sea Down the road to Egypt he made sure the slaves were free Well he could speak to god, so they say, yes indeed Well the noise of his voice woulda made our poor ears bleed Moses he had an army I tell ya all his own They stood in circles outside his very home And when the Pharaohs got to killin' they left ol' Moses alone But the Romans drove those nails through Jesus' bones Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son I done some bad things but I like to have my fun A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves So help yourselves now ...