Fear of Bliss

my misery has enjoyed company and although I have ached I don't threaten anybody sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted I've tried roadblocks and all my happy endings prevented sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do fear of bliss and fear of joyitude fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?) I could be golden I could be glowing I could be freedom but that could be boring sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true I sabotage myself for fear of losing you fear of bliss and fear of joyitude fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?) this talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone I could be full I could be thriving I could be shining sounds isolating sometimes I feel this is too good to be true I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do fear of bliss and fear of joyitude fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)