Big Johnson

Intro - There was a cajun queen down in Louisianne Gave birth to a boy with an over-sized gland It was a thyroid condition that swelled his neck And none of the girls would give any lip To Big John Big John Big John Big Johnson There was a story about his daddy who he never knew And each day that passed that thyroid grew He was a freak of nature, but a lawyer by trade And he couldn't understand why the girls were afraid Of Big Johnson So he took a teaching job on the California Coast At an all girls law school where he hoped He'd find a near-sighted girl for his far-feched dreams Who could overlook the defect in his genes Big Johnson Big John Big John Big Johnson And then one day on a routine trip To law library the earth began slip The lights went out and the shelves began to fold All the girls screamed, but no one grabbed ahold of Big Johnson Then a falling shelf caught on the bulge in his neck And he let out a groan but he stood there erect And as they scrambled beneath his legs to make their escape, 40 paralegals came to appreciate Big Johnson Big John Big John Big Johnson The rescue workers agreed that no one could survive Under 20 tons of law books and still be alive Then a girl grabbed the Captain and said "You don't understand, At the bottom of those briefs lies a big, big gland...Big Johnson" Big John Big John Big Johnson