Intro: I read the news today oh boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news was rather sad Well I just had to laugh I saw the photograph He blew his mind out in a car He didn't notice that the lights had changed A crowd of people stood and stared They'd seen his face before Nobody was really sure If he was from the House of Lords I saw a film today oh boy The English Army had just won the war A crowd of people turned away But I just had to look Having read the book I'd love to turn you on Instrumental:E Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head Found my way downstairs and drank a cup And looking up, I noticed I was late. Ha, ha, ha. Found my coat and grabbed my hat Made the bus in seconds flat Found my way upstairs and had a smoke And somebody spoke and I went into a dream Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... I read the news today oh boy Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire. And though the holes were rather small They had to count them all; Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. I'd love to turnn you on. Instrumental: