Texas Annie

Verse Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband. And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line, 'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime. Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk, She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal. With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso. Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable For a prison term of twenty-seven years. Verse Well, she'd rent a room in a cheap saloon and start sellin' all her wares, She'd be drinkin' whisky and gettin' frisky, conductin' her affairs. And by the end of the night, she'd be good and tight, with a girl on either side, And she'd grab her saddle and a ping-pong paddle and she'd take them for a ride. Till the good ol' boys got their good ol' balls all tied up in a sling, And the governor said "I'll have her head, that butch is gonna swing," The boys felt replaced and they felt disgraced and they chased her hard and long There's no debate in the Lone Star State about who should wear the dong. Verse Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable To be tried before a jury of your queers. I mean, peers. Right, definitely peers. Bridge Annie in the bedroom picking out toys, Annie been caught by the governor's boys, Annie gonna get the electric chair, A thousand volts in the derriere. Spoken Wooo-hooo! (laugh) Do it again, muthafucka, come on! Verse So they strapped her in and the governor grinned, "I guess you've had your fun, Shoulda made your money as a playboy bunny or by selling people guns. So goodnight Texas Annie - I hope you burn in hell," She said "I'll see you there, you sonofabitch, and I'll see your wife as well!" So he flipped the switch, she began to twitch and vibrate all around, Smoke filled the room, there was a thunderous boom and a high pitched buzzing sound. And as the air cleared, she'd disappeared, and a hundred eyes grew wide, The Men were stiff with horror but their wives looked satisfied. Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas, So here's your chance to stick it to the man. Take every opportunity to whack off with impunity, Go fuck yourselves as often as you can.