I'd Have Been Out of Jail By Now

INTRO: I sat at a bar having a beer trying to hold down the stew When a stranger walked in, stood there beside me, and plopped down there like a fool He started drinkin' then he started talkin' 'bout things that were wrong in his life The more that I heard, the more I believed, the thing that was wrong was his wife He said you talk about beauty, when we first met she was all that a man could desire Talk about love, one night with her would set your very soul afire But love's little flame is out of control, 'bout 3 feet high from behind Since we've been married I've come to believe that love is of the dumb and the blind, no offense You talk about ugly, when she gets mad, she goes from Jekyll to Hyde She grits her teeth, then her eyes roll back, pivot from side to side She completely rewrites the whole English language, 4-letter, descriptive and loud Now I can't out-think her, but I can sure out-drink her, and that's what I'm doin' here now 'Cause I've spent 7 years with the wrong woman Seven and goin' on eight She spent 7 years naggin' and eatin' I'm over-wrought and she's overweight If I try leavin' she has me arrested Takes her own sweet time gettin' me out If she ain't number 1, she's in the top 2 Of the things I could live without Men commit murder and all kinds of mayhem In a few years they're back on the street Highway robbery and white collar crime And they laugh at the system they reap Sometimes I'm tempted, sometimes I'm ashamed Of the things the law will allow I coulda killed her when I first met her And I'd a been out of jail by now