Hero

Part 1 The pilot had a heart attack. The co-pilot can't be found. The people in the aisles are screamin'. They know the plane is goin' down. We need a hero, someone to save us. We need a hero to land the plane. We need a hero, who's gonna do it. We need a hero to save the day. yeah! So I jump to my feet, and I volunteer. The people on the plane all start to cheer. I get a high five from a baby, and a hickey from a flight attendant. So I go into the cockpit put the headset on, and grab the main controls. Then I right away I crash the plane because I don't know what I'm doin'. Part 2 We're on a runaway train. The conductor had a meltdown. The people in the dining car are screaming really really loud. We need a hero, someone to save us. We need a hero to bring us through the danger. We need a hero, somebody competent. We need a hero to save the day. Yeah! So I put the engineer's hat on the top of my head. The people go f***in' crazy. A guy says, "You're the man, man", and a deaf woman signs, "Go get em'". So I go to the cab and I toot the whistle. That's something that I alway wanted to do. Then right away we fly off the bridge, because I don't know what I'm doin' Part 3 We're in a nice family restaurant. Somebody's Grandma is choking on a lamb chop. There's panic in the air as Nana's face turns blue. The busboy screams in spanish, "What the * do we do?!" We need a hero, who's gonna do it. We need a hero to clear out her windpipe. We need a hero, who's down with Heimlich? We need a hero to save the day. Yeah! So I slap my napkin down on the table, and I get a f***in' standin' ovation. Another guy gets up and says he's a doctor. I say, "Sit the f*** down, I got this s***. Then I wrap my arms around Grandma's chest, and look her grandkids deep in the eyes. Then right away I break all her ribs, because I don't know what I'm doin'