If That Ain't Country

THE OLD MAN WAS COVERED WITH TATOOS AND SCARS, HE GOT SOME IN PRISON AND SOME IN THE BARS. THE REST HE GOT WORKIN' ON OLD JUNK CARS IN THE DAY TIME. THEY LOOKED LIKE TOMBSTONES IN OUR YARD AND I NEVER SEEN HIM WHEN HE WASN'T TIRED AND MEAN. HE SOLD USED PARTS TO MAKE ENDS MEET, COVERED WITH GREASE FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FEET, CUSSIN' THE SUN AND THE TEXAS HEAT, AND THE SKEETERS. AND THE NEIGHBORS SAY WE LIVE LIKE HICKS, BUT THEY BRING THEIR CARS FOR PA TO FIX ANYHOW. HE WAS VET'RIN PROUD, TRIED AND TRUE, HE'D FIGHT TILL HIS HEART WAS BLACK AND BLUE, DIDN'T KNOW HOW HE'D MAKE IT THROUGH, THE HARD TIMES. BOUGHT OUR HOUSE ON THE G.I. BILL, BUT IT WASN'T WORTH ALL HE HAD TO KILL TO GET IT. HE DRANK PEARL IN A CAN AND JACK DANIELS BLACK, CHEWED TOBACCO FROM A MAIL-POUCH SACK, HAD AN OLD DOG THAT WAS TRAINED TO ATTACK, SOMETIMES. HE'D GET DRUNK AND MEAN AS A RATTLESNAKE, AND THERE WASN'T TOO MUCH THAT HE WOULD TAKE, FROM A STRANGER. THERE WAS 13 KIDS AND A BUNCH OF DOGS, HOUSE FULL OF CHICKENS AND A YARD FULL OF HOGS, SPENT THE SUMMERTIME CUTTIN' UP LOGS FOR THE WINTER. TRYIN' LIKE THE DEVIL TO FIND THE LORD, AND WORKIN' LIKE A NIGGER FOR MY ROOM AND BOARD, COAL BURNIN' STOVE, NO NATURAL GAS, AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS. IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE, IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE. I'VE SEEN THE GRAND 'OLE OPRY AND I MET JOHNNY CASH, AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS. WELL, MOMMA SOLD EGGS AT THE GROCERY STORE, MY OLDEST SISTER WAS A FIRST-RATE WHORE, DAD SAYS SHE CAN'T COME HOME ANY MORE, AND HE MEANS IT. MA JUST SITS AND KEEPS HER SILENCE SISTER SHE LEFT 'CAUSE DAD GOT VIOLENT, AND SHE KNOWS IT. MOMMA SHE'S OLD, FAR BEYOND HER TIME, FROM CHOPPIN' TOBACCO AND I SEEN HER CRYIN WHEN BLOOD STARTED FLOWIN' FROM HER CALLOUSED HANDS, AND IT HURT ME. BUT SHE'D JUST KEEP WORKIN' TRYIN' TO HELP THE OLD MAN, FROM THE END OF ONE ROW AND BACK AGAIN,LIKE ALWAYS. SHE'D BEEN THROUGH HELL SINCE JUNIOR WENT TO JAIL, AND WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT SHE AIN'T NEVER FAILED, TO GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND PRAY, 'CAUSE SHE LOVES HIM. SHE TOLD ALL THE NEIGHBORS HE WAS OFF IN THE WAR, FIGHTIN' FOR FREEDOM, HE'S GOOD TO THE CORE, AND SHE'S PROUD. OUR PLACE WAS A GRAVEYARD FOR AUTOMOBILES, AT THE END OF THE PORCH WERE 4 STACKS OF WHEELS, AND TIRES FOR SALE FOR A DOLLAR OR TWO, CASH. THERE WERE 50 HOLES IN THAT OLD TIN ROOF. ME AND MY FAMILY WAS LIVIN' PROOF, OF PEOPLE WHO FORGOT ABOUT POOR WHITE TRASH AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY I'LL KISS YOUR ASS. IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE, IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE. I'VE SEEN THE GRAND 'OLE OPRY AND I MET JOHNNY CASH, AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS.