Why Do The Wrong People Travel

Noël Coward

Travel they say improves the mind, an irritating platitude, which frankly, entre nous, is very far from true. Personally I've yet to find that longitude and latitude can educate those scores of monumental bores who travel in groups and herds and troupes of various breeds and sexes Till the whole world reels to shouts and squeals and the clicking of Roliflexes Why do the wrong people travel, travel, travel When the right people stay back home? What compulsion compels them and who the hell tells them To drag their bags to Zanzibar instead of staying quietly in O - ma ha? The Taj Mahal and the Grand Canal and the sunny French Riviera would be less oppressed If the Middle West would settle for somewhere rather nearer Please do not think that I criticize or cavil at a genuine urge to roam but why oh why do the wrong people travel when the right people stay back home and mind their bus'ness when the right people stay back home with television when the right people stay back home I'm merely asking why the right people stay back home? Just when you think romance is ripe it rather sharply dawns on you that each sweet serenade is for the tourist trade Any attractive native type who resolutely fawns on you will give as his address American Express There isn't a rock between Bangkok and the beaches of Hispianola That does not recoil from suntan oil and the gurgle of Coca-Cola ---Refrain--- Why do the wrong people travel, travel, travel When the right people stay back home? What explains this mass mania to leave Pennsylvania and clack around like flocks of geese demanding dry martinis? On the isles of Greece? In the smallest street where the gourmets meet, they invariably fetch up and it's hard to make them accept a steak that isn't served rare and smeared with ketchup It would take years to unravel, ravel ravel every impulse that makes them roam but why oh why do the wrong people travel when the right people stay back home and eat hot doughnuts, when the right people stay back home with all that lettuce when the right people stay back home I sometimes wonder why the right people stay back home ---Refrain--- Why do the wrong people travel, travel, travel When the right people stay back home? What peculiar obsessions inspire those processions of families from Houston, Tex., with all those cameras around their necks?

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