Ballad Of Cactus Pete And Lefty

The Ballad of Cactus Pete and Lefty--Ray Stevens written by Ray Stevens and C.W. Kalb, Jr. From the album "Crackin' Up" Corrections welcome. CHORUS 1: This is the ballad of Cactus Pete, he spent his life out in the desert heat In Arizona and New Mexico, searchin' for the motherlode He had no friends, he had no family Just a pet sidewinder that he called Lefty They shared a run-down minin' shack out with the coyotes and horny toads (SPOKEN) (alternate between ...listen to record for timing) Heehee, yeah just look at him all coiled up over there I'll never forget the first time I saw him He's just a sneakin' up on a little toady frog (rattling) Settle down settle down, ain't no toady frogs, I'm just tellin' 'em 'bout you sneakin' up on one He loves them little toady frogs...Lord I couldn't live like that You shoulda seen him when I first found him; he had real bad teeth Yeah, just them two little bicuspids there in front, Lord what a gap Made Leon Sphinx look like Burt Lancaster Took him to the orthodondist, yeah we tried braces...that didn't last too long Heck, I got tired of mashin' up them little toady frogs for him So we just had 'em capped, yeah he'd have to have 'em capped anyways, both had big caveties in them Oh, but just look at that smile on him over there now though CHORUS 2: Cactus Pete, Cactus Pete, with his pet sidewinder at his feet Strangest old codger you ever wanna meet, this is the ballad of Lefty and Cactus Pete (SPOKEN) Heehee, yeah me 'n old Lefty, we ain't got much, I'm poorer 'n a church mouse (rattling) Settle down settle down ain't no church mouse I'm just tellin' 'em 'bout a church mouse He loves a fuzzy little church mouse, Lord I couldn't live like that He's a cold-natured critter, yeah I cut the toe out of an old sock one time Made him a little sweater; didn't work, though, he just kept crawlin' out of it He ain't hardly got no shoulders at all, you know; but Lord what a neck Got more neck than Audrey Hepburn CHORUS 3 (like 2): Cactus Pete, Cactus Pete, with his pet sidewinder at his feet Out there 'mongst the cacti and mesquite, this is the ballad of Lefty and Cactus Pete (SPOKEN) Heehee, yeah nearly lost ol' Left one time though He's out sunnin' himself on that big rock o'er there Yeah he'd just gorged down 2 blue-bellied lizzards and a gilee monster (rattling) Settle down settle down ain't no gilee monster I'm talkin' 'bout a gilee monster Like I said, he's on that rock o'er there and a big ol' bald a-headed eagel just swooped down, snatched him up, when flappin' off with him through the cactus Ol' Lefty he just squirmed around, looked up at that big ol' eagle, flashed him that pearly toothed smile, that eagle dropped him like a hot potato, haahaa Thought he was a lawyer CHORUS 4 (like 2): Cactus Pete, Cactus Pete, with his pet sidewinder at his feet The saga of the west wouldn't be complete, without the ballad of Cactus Pete (rattling) And Lefty (SPOKEN) Calm down there boy, they wasn't gonna forget ya OK Lefty, heel! Now, sit up! That's a good boy! Now roll over! I got a nice little hampster here for ya, let me see them teeth! Oh yeah, just look at that smile!