I am the Theme from MASH Guy, My kids are the theme from MASH Guy’s kids, My sister is the sister of the guy who wrote The theme from MASH It’s all I ever did It might be all I ever do I sit in a room in a house Built from the proceeds of the theme from... MASH It’s my legacy I will always be To everybody and to me The guy who wrote the theme From MASH! Whenever anybody does a version Of the theme from MASH They are legally required To send me a copy Of their version of the theme I spend all day listening To recordings of versions of the theme from MASH I’m building more shelving So I can store the tapes of the recordings Of the versions of the theme from… MASH It’s my legacy I will always be To everybody and to me The guy who wrote the theme From MASH! And on every spine Of every tape On every shelf I see The actual name Of the theme from MASH Is staring back at me It’s Suicide is Painless Maybe in retrospect I should have called the song The theme from MASH