If I had a hammer I'd build a house for two And if I had a sailing ship I'd take a trip with you And if I had the poet's hand I'd write a verse for thee And if I had the painter's touch On canvas you would be But I don't have a hammer And I don't have a ship So I can't build a house And we can't take a trip I'll never be a poet Nor have the painter's grace So I'll never write a sonnet Nor immortalize your face And also I have herpes... you can replace herpes with any STD (aids, mono, etc) if you can't say herpes at a gig
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