100 Things To Remember

Spoken: I had a crazy uncle who was on his deathbed a long time ago. He said, "boy, there's 100 things in life that every man needs to know to survive. And here's 39 of them" ) virgin don't ever drive a Z28 Never bet the ranch on your prostate If it's got an Adam's Apple, it's probably a man Never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand She () didn't accidentally get good in bed You () can't join the church if you're already dead ) work uniform ain't totally nude () Brim and bass ain't see-through When there's () guns in the house, one better be yours Don't be naked next to any fishing lures If there's Girl Scout Cookies, she's a little too young If you say "I do", be the ugly one () Never let a bald man borrow your comb Never () play strip poker in a nursing home Don't () blame your pallbearer's if they don't show If you're () burried in the middle of the Super Bowl Let () people borrow money, they'll leave you alone Never fry bacon without a shirt on Never spray water on a hornet's nest A woman rarely aces the driver's test The () sign probably don't really mean massage Never () threaten anybody in camoflague Say you () love 'til she lays down the buther knife () Never put the move on the boss's wife She's messin' 'round on you if your briefs don't fit Never trust a hitch hiker to baby sit Cosmo's never in a happy home You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone ) politician ain't got an HMO () Washing her hair means she don't wanna go Don't () ridicule a biker on his tattoo Ya been () married 9 times?? Hell, maybe it's you () Doom ain't the same as Donkey Kong If he's wearing high heels, you might've raised him wrong The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates Don't rent a room from a man named Bates ) tank-top's never on a Billionaire () Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there How () many get to Heaven, no one knows But () Hell will be asses and elbows Spoken: Then he died Crazy fool rolled over and died And never did tell me what the other 61 things were........